Finding Myself in San Antonio
I believe there are no accidents and no coincidences in life; I came to this city named San Antonio after the patron saint of lost things because it is part of my life journey.
We are all born with the knowledge of knowing our true selves. As children we speak the truth and live our lives in tune with our intuition, but as we acquire our formal educations and start building our careers we start to lose our natural abilities to live a peaceful and fulfilling life according to our life’s purpose.
I lost my natural way very young; it started in kindergarten at the age of three. At that age I lost my innocence and became a people pleaser. My parents like so many other parents were busy, not trying to accomplish any life goals, but just trying to survive. One of the best ways to get attention from my parents, my teachers and my schoolmates was to do well in school and collect shiny little stars for every one to see, I had value, and my life had worth.
My formal education years continued on the people pleaser track and then spilled over to my professional life and career. I tried countless times to break out of pack, just to lose my nerve and get back to the same way of life. I’d follow along for a few years and then tried to escape again and again. My social life was no different, I’d give and give, until I was empty and then go on to the next relationship starting the cycle all over again.
I lived in San Antonio from 1990 until I left for greener pastures in 1996, just to find out the cycle was the same, it had just been a change of scenery. The journey has taken years, with some very tough choices along the way, but the time came when I could no longer live with myself; I had to make some changes. I was totally spent, burned out. By the time I got through being what my family and my community needed me to be, I had no energy left for me.
My way back to my authentic self was through San Antonio. When I returned, on my first walk through the San Antonio Riverwalk in front of San Fernando Cathedral, I found this inscription:
I WAS TAMED, RIO AMANZADO
TO YIELD, TO FEED, TO FOSTER
ME NOMRARON SAN ANTONIO
WHO FINDS THE LOST
These words touched by heart and so begun my journey back to self discovery. Now I carry my residence me. Where ever I am, I’m home; I belong because I am comfortable in my own skin.